The arrogant Face

Wow! After stating that I wanted to blog regularly after my ages-long break, it only took me four months for the next entry! Well, I’ve reduced it by at least two months… Ain’t I amazing? Well, truth to be told, my life was this time just too boring to blog about. Nothing much happened apart from me freaking out about university, as always. But now, I have something to rant about again. …yay? Not too sure I’m actually happy about this.

This is something that has bothered me for quite a while now, and which I’m thinking about a lot.

It’s… my face. Well, duh, it’s in the title, but this isn’t me being obsessed with my looks for a change. Or rather, it is, but in a different way.

There’s something about my face that just seems to put people off. I cannot count how often I’ve heard that my face looks…

- arrogant

- angry

- grumpy

- as if I’m mad at everyone

- arrogant

- uppity

- evil (yes)

- arro… oh, wait, we’ve had that already.

Yeah. It’s really annoying, I can be sitting quietly and think about unicorns, cupcakes and pink little fluffy kittens, but I seem to give off an air of someone you’d better not approach. Smiling doesn’t help, either.

Worst thing was when one of my close friends recounted how we met each other. We had just been introduced by another friend, she accompanied said friend out of class and then turned back to me still sitting somewhere up in the auditorium. I was DESPERATELY hoping for her to come up, because I hadn’t met anyone yet and felt lonely. And guess what?

She said she had been afraid of approaching me again, because I looked so mad/angry/evil/whatever.

Afraid.

I honestly don’t know what it is that makes my face this way. I’ve had one friend suggest it’s my high cheekbones, but can that be all? Self-conscious as I am I’m observing myself a lot, obsessing about any detail and trying to correct whatever it is that is wrong with me. But I didn’t find that something yet, because people keep running away from me. I must confess, it depresses me. People tell me that I should consider the positive side:  anyone who can look past my face to befriend me must be worth befriending, because that person isn’t affected by outer appearances. But still, how many decent, nice, funny and good people did I miss out on because I give off an aura of being pissed and arrogant all the time?

And then, there’s the other thing. I’ve always had trouble finding friends, and many of my friendships ended in huge, emotional fights. It was always a relief to me, breaking off those friendships- despite all the sadness it caused me, they had often evolved into something that wasn’t much of a friendship anymore, and had become unbearable for me. I’m not whining when I say I was suffering in some of those “friendships”. But still, the fact remains that throughout my life, I’ve been unable to carry friendships on for longer than a five- or six year period, and it always ended with a crash. Pegging all of that to bad luck and a worse fate seems to be too easy.

And so I wonder, is it my fault? Am I somehow just not compatible with normal people? Am I abnormal? Is that what everyone is seeing in my face and that keeps people away? Or maybe I am arrogant after all, and just don’t notice simply because I’m too arrogant to make it my fault? This troubles me a lot. Especially since I’m not too sure what to do about it. I can honestly say I try my best to be a good friend, and a good person in general. But doesn’t everyone?  I just don’t know.

I guess, in the end I can’t really do more than keep trying to be the best person I can be, despite everything.

This wasn’t too long now, I guess… but I just wanted this out.

I hope I can blog about something happier next time. I’ve got myself yet another obsession, so that might be something to take on soon.

Maybe I’ll even manage before it’s another four months.

We’ll see.

Vanity

 

Hello again in 2012!

It’s been half a year since I last blogged, and I really have no excuse. A loot of cool, funny, interesting things happened, and I just couldn’t be bothered to stop and blog about them. I don’t even feel like catching up now, but I do want to start blogging regularly again, so here I am.

And I’m going to start my 2012 blogging phase with a picture-post of myself.

I took them ages ago and I think I look awesome in them.

I’ll save the best for last, though!

And here I go!

 

I had met with a friend and she did my make up, and I did hers. But she’s really inexperienced with taking pictures of yourself, so I took that in my own hands. She was pretty fascinated how different I can make myself look just with camera angles, though.

 

And the right light.

 

And a tilt of the head. My lips look so plumped here! Love it.

 

Look at my eyes! I love my eyes on this picture! Looking directly into the sun was difficult, but I managed. That’s another thing my friend was fascinated about. She started blinking frantically and puckered her face even when I lowered the curtains and she wasn’t even looking into the sun anymore.

 

So we took the sun out of the picture. But since she had no experience, she didn’t know how to move her face at all. My smile might be generic, but I know how to use it. Her face was just stiff, and most of her pictures looked as if she was scared stiff because of the camera. When I asked her why she didn’t practise more and took more pictures of herself, she was surprised that I obviously had. The thought of practising to look good on pictures hadn’t even crossed her mind. And she’s one of the people claiming not to be that photogenic. UGH! What is this? I wasn’t born with the ability to pose, either! It especially angers me with her because she’s normally very aggressive about girls complaining about their looks without doing anything for it. And yet… ah well. Not my problem. I have my pretty pictures.

And I do think they’re really pretty. This was long overdue, both taking them and posting them.

Especially since my blog was so empty. I don’t like the look of my timeline at all. I hope I won’t go on hiatus this long again.

And I also hope I can work hard and look this good more often.

 

And since I’m talking about looking good…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I. Am. In. Love. With. This. Picture.

I think I look like a doll. Or as if I photoshopped it, but nope! I didn’t!

Well, that’s about it, for now! Happy 2012!

Difficulties when owning a new computer

My goals for this evening got progressively smaller. Like,

I'll read that text, note down the most important points, sum it up and write the essay out of that. Then I'll be able to proof read it tomorrow and have the nasty stuff out of my way. And I'll take a shower after that, do a facial, and maybe blog a bit.
->
I guess I can read the text and jot something down quickly. Then I'll do a facial while showering and then blog.
->
Maybe I can still read the text. I can shower then.
->
I'll turn off my computer in five minutes and then I'll go and take a quick shower.
->
Will I still have enough time to wash my hair?
->
Blog. Nao.

It's vicious.

I’ll stay alive

I can’t believe it’s been more than a month – almost two, even!- since I last blogged!

My blog looks so lonely and sad D: I can’t have that!

Well, truth is that there hasn’t been that much interesting stuff happening lately… I meet friends, hand out, and learn a lot. That’s about it, mostly. But I’ve just realized that there I accumulated a lot of pictures (none of my friends though. That’s pretty sad. I’d love to blog about them, too. I’ll have to keep trying to persuade them.) and thought I’d upload them so the front page looks fresh again!

So, what was I up to since I blogged last time?

Well.

I kept working on my hair, and I did the big bun- twice! I really, really like this hairdo.

This one came out a bit flat, but the other was better:

I also did the made-of-hair bow again, at it came out better than last time, too.

 

I also ate lots of delicious food.

Pancakes…

Baked potatoes with salad and a chicken topped with tomatoes and mozzarella…

Rissole with vegetables…

Then there’s also tons of ice cream, but I forgot to take pictures of that, sadly.

Oh, and of course:

Cherries!

They were SO fucking good!

And they looked like little hearts.

I’ve also gotten myself yet another nerdy hobby: creating games. I found a resource online that allows you to create games with just some clicks and a bit of patience. It’s awesome! Here’s a screenshot of what I’m working at right now:

Isn’t it neat? The program’s name is RPG Maker VX and it makes everything really easy. It allows for a lot of stuff and since you can use custom made content, too, there’s a lot of options. I’m completely addicted to this right now. I already like playing games. Like, a LOT. But creating a game… that’s even better. Having ideas and plots in mind, and then seeing it all coming to live on the screen, it’s an amazing feeling. It gives you a real sense of creativity. I still have a lot of work to do. I realize ever so often that I’m just a beginner, but that doesn’t stop it from being fun.

There I go, nerding away.

Nice to meet you, I only act all fashionable and cutesy but this is what I really am.

That’s exactly what it feels like. But who cares. It’s by far too nice not to do it. (*v*)

Well, that’s what I did, anyway. Nothing much, I know. But I can’t just let my poor blog stagnating like that. I love it too much to let that happen. Even if it’s just a small, very small fry compared to many others out there, I wanna keep it going. I have often started projects and then dropped them, so I’m careful not to have that again. So this not so original blog post is a way to achieve that until something more suspenseful happens.

Bye!

Obsessions: Labyrinth

 

Magic Dance

Jareth: You remind me of the babe.
Goblin: What babe?
Jareth: The babe with the power.
Goblin: What power?
Jareth: The power of voodoo.
Goblin: Who do?
Jareth: You do.
Goblin: Do what?
Jareth: Remind me of the babe.

 

One last Obsessions Post… for now.

 

 

I am a huge, huge fan of the Labyrinth movie… and everything connected to it. It’s starting to even outgrow my obsession for Alice in Wonderland, and that really says something!

 

Just to prove how obsessed I am:

 

This is the book of the Labyrinth that I had especially made for me using the Text I found online after not being able to obtain a copy anywhere else. Yes. I had it printed and paid for that although, I could have read it for free. And it cost me nearly 20 bucks! But it was worth it. I don’t regret.

It came out very, very pretty, and on top of that I find it easier to read on paper than on my computer.

A peek at the infamous ballroom scene. I’m in love with it.

Now, I don’t have as many pictures for Labyrinth as for Alice in Wonderland, but it’s not bad considering that Labyrinth is more of a niche thing… even online. I combed Google several times, looked up artists who worked on the movie design and in the end even created a DeviantArt account JUST to search for Labyrinth art. And since I find DeviantArt to be a very obscure place, that should really say something. I’m still glad I did it, though, because I was able to dig up some really nice pictures and a hilarious gag comic with Labyrinth characters… but more on that later.

 

It’s time to brag with my picture collection!

 

 

And of course we start with Jareth. He’s somehow the sole centre of the movie, even though he only has about 15 minutes of screen time. He’s just that awesome.

Look at that dress and hairdo! If only I could wear something like that just once! My inner princess starts crying whenever I look at that. How is it that our fashion is so mundane? Sure, running around like that is a tad bit impractical, but it also must be a lot more fun.

I will Ö_ö No idea what I like so much about Jareth, David Bowie isn’t even that good looking. It must be his incredible charisma. That, and his huge, HUGE… balls. The crystal ones, of course. Fun fact: David Bowies crotch has been named ‘The Area’ because of his impressive bulge in this movie. Yes.

A card design by the main artist for the Labyrinth. I love the scrawny, knobbly look of most of his Goblins.

I want to send that card to someone. But I guess most wouldn’t get it. Too bad.

If only I could summon a hot goblin king to get rid of annoying people, reorder time and conjure ballroom dresses for me.

This is from the same DeviantArtist who also did the funny comic. Her name is pika-la-cynique and the comics name is Girls next door. I hope it’s okay to link her, I didn’t ask because she’s on holiday or something and I didn’t want to wait. Guess I’ll ask her when she comes back. Anyway.

Instead, they bite and goblin kings grant wishes. What a world.

Ehehe. Yeah. Don’t judge me. I always liked the pairing. I should maybe mention that it also heavily features in girls next door, so you shouldn’t read that if you don’t like this.

More original sketches by the artist of Labyrinth. His name’s Brian Froud by the way. Sounds kinda funny, no?

 

 

 

 

 

Call me crazy, but I think going through that Labyrinth would be pretty interesting. I’ve visited a hedge maze in the Netherlands a few times and had a lot of fun. But of course it was less difficult and sans dangerous traps. The most dangerous thing there was being sprinkled with water.

No one can slouch on a throne like Jareth. His arrogance trumps everything. I think it’s because of this that he can manage to maintain a good image with that weird hair. He even looks good in it. Or am I biased? Guess I am.

And look at his ridiculous nose. Hers is tiny in comparison. The bog of eternal stench must have triple effect on him. Maybe that’s why he mentions it so often?

I like the owl here. Toby looks a bit weird though. Like he’s already half transformed into a Goblin… oh hai speculation time!

This is one of my favourite pictures. So accurate! If only I could sketch like that.

Yes he has. He rules your sex drive, Sarah. Don’t even try to deny it.

Makes you wonder how old Jareth is. The book actually mentions that he’s getting old and wants to raise Toby as his successor. There’s a manga based on that idea, but as far as I can tell, it looks like crap. I don’t feel like reading it at all. Better no sequel than a bad sequel.

Those were on the DVD as an extra. I especially like where they’re hugging in the ballroom clothes.

Another favourite of mine. I currently use that as my desktop picture. *sigh* The dress…

This is the picture I used as a cover for the book I had printed. It came out a bit blurry, but I don’t really care.

To think that all of this was without CGI… amazing.

‘Will she say it?’ That was also a very good scene.

But of course, it doesn’t top the ballroom.

As the World falls down

I think I’m going to dream of this tonight.

BUT!

 

I can’t finish without the best Twilight/Labyrinth cross reference ever.

 

 

 

 

Well? Laugh.